Craving some space and solitude.

Since about 4:30 this afternoon, when Charlotte came home from Daisy Scouts and it was rainy and dark, this house has felt exceptionally small.   It has been challenging.  I love this house when the weather is good or when 1-3 of us is in it for an extended period of time, but today has been full of miserable weather and all four of us have been here since 5:00.  Simply no escape.  Can you hear the violin practicing from where you are?  And the little one screaming because she’s “scared” to be upstairs without anyone else?  The cat snoring?

Yeah, me too.

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Done! (Sort of)

I’m still deciding if it counts or not.  I missed the midnight nanowrimo deadline by a minute.  ONE MINUTE.  If it were due to circumstances beyond my control, I’d be more upset, but it’s really my own fault.  November was a busy month for writing, and I had more articles for Bisk to complete than ever before.  We were gone for five days at Thanksgiving and with all the people there to see and spend time with, I just didn’t do it.  We got back Sunday night and I knew I only had three days to write something like 15k words and I just didn’t have the juice in me to want to sit down and write it through.  Yesterday morning I knew I was looking at about 8K, which statistically I could easily have done because I type like the wind.  I wrote all day, but was simply not into the story I’d concocted, and in all the years I’ve done nano, this hasn’t really happened.

Our church had an Advent Celebration last night, and because I was one of the planners, I was there from 3:30-8:00, and when we got home I had about 4K to go.   Up in the bedroom, I settled myself in, asked Aaron to bring me a glass of wine, and got to typing.  Then Charlotte had a meltdown.  Once she left, I got going, but then the day caught up with me and I found myself dozing off.  I came downstairs and sat in my favorite chair and did some more writing.  Told Aaron he could watch Jon Stewart and it wouldn’t distract me.

Wrong.  Jon Stewart sucked me in so I went into the kitchen to wrap things up.  It was getting close but I was moving along.  Then suddenly I looked at the computer clock and it was 11:58 pm and I had just over 100 words to go!  Oops.  I typed nonsense right up until midnight, but when I hit 50K I still needed to log in to the site and update my word count, but it was too late.

Too late. At first, I was irritated.  I’ve been able to say I’ve completed a November novel every year since 2002 except 2003, and I just put it off and put it off and put it off.  This morning, after sleeping on it, I realized that maybe I just never liked this one.  I tried to give the characters life, tried to make it a little more substantial than all the others, but in the end it’s always been the same novel, with only the names and locales changing.  My avoidance of it this year might just mean time has finally run out for this particular theme I keep returning to, and I’ve decided that’s a good thing.

Yes, that is a good thing.  Next year, I’m going to try something altogether new for my story.  In the meantime, in my mind I guess I won, but officially I did not.  Thanks a lot, Jon Stewart.

Reboot.

My heel started hurting again a few days ago, so yesterday I called my podiatrist for advice, which turned out to be another month of wearing the boot.  Oh well.  I put it back on last night and it was actually a relief to have that support again, even thought the overall experience is a hassle.  But this foot has got to get better, so I’m willing to put in the time and probably spend a lot of money on the right kind of shoes from now on.

National Novel Writing Month is going pretty well.  I’m a little behind, as always, but I finally like my story and some interesting characters have made an appearance, so it shouldn’t be a problem at all to get to 50K over the next several days.  A few really long writing sessions and things will wrap up nicely, I hope.  This morning I did a free trial of a program called Freedom.  Its mission is to help writers who have a tendency to let the internet interrupt their writing by disabling the computer’s internet connection for a designated amount of time.  It works!  I set it for 45 minutes and was pleasantly surprised by how my mind responded to being physically prevented from scooting over to the Huffington Post to check the news.  The free trial allows for five uses, but the program itself is only $10 so I will definitely be making this little investment.

We are off to Maryland in a few hours.  Aaron’s brother is tagging along with us, which means they will do all the driving and I can ride in the way back and write until my battery goes out.  Looking forward to it!

Therapy? You betcha.

Today I saw my podiatrist and he gave me the all clear to boot the day boot in lieu of a sleeping boot that will keep my foot at the proper angle while I sleep.  AND I enthusiastically signed up for for physical therapy, which I’m more than a little excited about.  I think it’s the way Dr. K put it to me: “So do you have time for PT?”  He sold it like it was a luxury and not a requirement for my healing process.

Of course I have time for PT!  It’ll be like a a trip to the foot spa, except that it’s the Holzer Clinic Physical Therapy Department. Maybe it’s a little sad, to be so excited about physical therapy, but I see it not so much as rehabbing my Achilles tendon but a month’s worth of twice weekly foot massages.  And who couldn’t use a good  massage, am I right?

Blaming it on the boot.

My orthopedic walking boot.  I’m clumsy, have lost my sense of balance, and with every step I feel like I’m 8 months pregnant. It’s exhausting.

The last month of braces, I hope.  I have to wear elastics all the time to fine tune my bite.  Once the braces are gone, it’s still not over!  I’ll get a long-term retainer for my bottom teeth that I’ll need to wear constantly until we can afford my molar implant$$$$$$$.  And that might be never – implants are that expensive.

There’s more! I’ll get these last few gripes off my chest and maybe, just maybe that will keep me from wallowing in self-pity all weekend, which I do with such regularity I should just add it to our calendar.

I’m behind with National Novel Writing Month.   I’m not feeling  the story very much.  A friend suggested that  skipping a year wouldn’t be a crime, but I feel like it would be some kind of writing misdemeanor for me.  I’ve done it too many years now to use “not into it” as a reason to quit.  The Nano website has a statistics feature that tells authors when they will finish their novel if they continue at their current pace.  At the rate I’m going I will finish on Dec. 12, turning the project into NaNoDeWriMo, which has a fun ring to it, but is not what I want to do!

Last night, when folding up one of our old wooden tray tables, I made sure to be very careful not to pinch my finger.  Didn’t work.  I pinched it hard – so hard that I was afraid to look it for a minute.  I think it will be fine, but it hurts a lot.

I miss Ghost Ranch and all its space and serenity.  A lot.

I’ll end the whining for now, but I warn you, the weekend is young.

When I am an old lady, part 1.

For every day I am ready for a complete change of scenery, there is an equal day that I love my hometown of  Athens, Ohio.  Yesterday was one of those days.  I was walking out of the library and saw a bunch of senior-ish looking ladies chatting outside someone’s van after their over-50 yoga class.  They had all carpooled and were loading up with their yoga mats, laughing and chatting.  My first thought was, “I’d like to be one of those ladies someday, here in the parking lot of our sometimes-noisy little library, piling into a van with all my friends.”

I almost missed it, but I caught it, and it changed my day.